I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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