I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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