I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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