remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
