Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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