His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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