What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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