Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
