I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Apparently you make a good broom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm always down for nudity.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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