Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
