She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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