thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
