And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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