Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
