So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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