i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
