Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
