No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
