I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
