Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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