Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
