i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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