I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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