i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
