she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
