Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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