I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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