saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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