If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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