I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
