I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
