Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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