my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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