apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
