jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
