I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
