I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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