i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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