Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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