Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize