It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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