hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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