just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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