What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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