Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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