So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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