Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
