I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
