maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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