I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I skipped work to stalk him.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
