Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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