Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
