I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
