I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
