is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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