i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
