the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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