Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
