Your mouth is God's brothel.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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