im six kinds of drunk right now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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