Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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