Little spoons don't ask big questions
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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