why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
