Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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