Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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