If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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