I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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