i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
