I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
