Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
