Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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