You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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