I look better un-naked...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
