I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
