my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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