Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
