FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
