Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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