Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
