I think I am morally bankrupt
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
vagina is talking i cant
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
