12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i've created a new STD.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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