Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
