first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize