Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
