I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
