beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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