The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
